29 June 2011

Super Belle

After graduation, HR has become my life.  It's my calling, people would tell me.  I breathe employee activities, concerns and issues.  Their welfare is my top priority, though most of time I am disliked for my job.  Ironic, huh?  Despite this, I love the career I have chosen.

When Julia was born, being a full time mom was not an option.  I was confident I can juggle my priorities well.  100% HR Manager + 100% Loving Wife + 100% as Julia's mom = Super Belle.

Without doubt, I was wrong.   

Instead of using separate cars, Don would drive me to Lexus Manila, Inc. as early as 630am and will pick me up at 830pm after work (Yes, I spend more than 12 hours in the office).  Almost 2 hours of travel time to and from work is my quality time with Don.  That is the only time we have to laugh, talk and be silly.  Oh, aside from the quality time, we save money on gas :-)

Each morning, I would hug Julia good bye and everyday, it feels like she recognizes me less and less.  At work, I try to focus on what needs to be done.    I do not call home for I know it will only break my heart.  I devote my time to serving 50 employees.  At night, I wait patiently for her wake up and cry for milk.  That less than an hour I spend with her is the happiest part of my day.

I weep each time I think about how much time I spend for people who, no matter what I do, will always think that what is given to them is never enough.  I should be spending my time with Julia.  For her, my presence is more than enough.  I was not there when Julia first rolled over, when she learned to hold her bottle using her training cup, when she first discovered the wonders that her hands and feet can bring.

Sunday is the only day I get to be with Don and Julia for the whole day.  Is that 100% being a loving wife and 100% being Julia's mom?  Not even close.  I wish its as easy as asking Ding for the bato and shouting "Darna!".

I know someday I will need to choose.  What really matters most?  I think I already know the answer.
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