31 July 2012

The Marriage Zoo: Things I learned from The Great Date Project {Part 2}

After our first session, we were given a date assignment:  "street" food dining experience.  The example given was Mercato Centrale.  Because it was a weekday and Mercato is not open, we went to Timog instead.
We forgot the name of the place (haha!).  Anyway, we had fun :-)
Our second "The Great Date Project" session last July 13, 2012 was as fun and enriching as the first session.  Pastor Robert Hern introduced us to the different animals that we transform into whenever we try to resolve conflicts.

Don is often a chameleon.  This may surprise you, but I usually don't talk when I am angry.  He just hates the cold treatment.  Though I am generally a turtle, I have been a skunk, chameleon, owl or gorilla, depending on the subject of the argument or fight.

In resolving conflicts, Pastor Robert said that married couples should:
  • Recognize that God is the author of your relationship.  That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).  In marriage, husband and wife should stay committed to each other.  A happy and God-centered marriage is the foundation of a family and child rearing.
  • Realize that it is about the restoration of your relationship.  And not to determine who is right and who made a mistake.  It is important that every conflict between the husband and wife should be resolved, not managed.
Pastor Robert added that in making our marriage work, husband and wife should make sure that the following are present:
  • Intentional - successful marriages do not just happen.  It involves a lot of work.  Couples need to plan, schedule and prioritize activities that will strengthen the relationship.
  • Agreement - talk time is important
  • Honor - give honor to your spouse
  • Focus - focus on the marriage so that the kids go to a happy home.
  • Desire - to stay committed to the relationship; to strengthen and honor it
Though Don and I laughed like crazy at Pastor Robert's impersonation of the different ways married couples resolve conflict within their marriages, we realized that our room turn into a zoo each time we fight.  Knowing that turning into these "animals" do not help solve issues, clarify misunderstandings and communicate the right emotions will help us move on to the kiss and make-up part of the fight or disagreement.

We will still disagree, argue and fight.  After all, Don and I are not perfect.  We will be tempted to turn into  "animals" and there will be times that we actually will.  That's okay.  We know that marriage is not easy.  The important thing is, we know how to properly resolve it.  

What animal do you transform into when resolving conflicts?  How do you resolve conflicts with your spouse?

Photos from FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Skunk Photo from inotternews.com
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