It feels like a part of me is missing when Don left for a one-week business trip.
Cheesy I know (Yuck!). Yes, sure, call me OA, weak, pathetic, whatever. I described myself worse than that when I suddenly realized the painful truth. I have been busy being a wife and a mom, I have forgotten how it is to be on my own again.
Let me give you a little background. When I graduated from high school, I made sure that I will be able to study in Manila. That was my ultimate escape from my sheltered life and protective parents. I left Davao and studied in one of the universities in Taft. The plan worked, I was independent. My years in college were the best years that shaped my character. I pretty much did everything on my own and I loved it.
Five years after graduation, I got married. The first few months of being married was a major adjustment for me. I remember the first fight Don and I had as a married couple. He called me at around 9pm to ask me where I was. I told him I was in Starbucks with some office friends. Starbucks Tagaytay. I don't know how, but I really forgot to tell him I will go out for a late night chit chat with friends... in Tagaytay. Haha, that was a classic story.
I know I have a strong personality and I am independent. I speak my mind and I will defend whatever I think is right (shouldn't we all?). Don would often tease me that I don't need him. I thought I was as independent as I was 8 years ago. Until last Sunday, when Don entered the NAIA Airport.
I panicked. I suddenly felt lost. What to do? Where to go? What route to take? What activities to do with Julia? Those are easy questions to answer but I my heart was so heavy, I was scared to move! Call me crazy but I swear, I couldn't explain how I was feeling at that time. It was frustrating, to say the least.
I realized how my life revolves around Don and Julia. Please don't misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with that. I love being with Don and Julia. It's just that "Belle" got lost along the way somewhere. Apart from being a wife, mom and my work (which I love!), there is nothing else that I really look forward to.
So here are a few things I will start doing:
- Schedule regular get together with friends. Before, I join get together with friends only when Don has to stay late at work or when he is not around.
- Enroll at Plana Forma again. I will start with 2x a week.
- Participate in programs that promote education in rural areas like the Silom Day Care Center.
- Take short courses - cooking (oh, yes! Wish me luck), writing, Photoshop, events management, etc.
I really, really hope I can do them before the end of this year.
I miss the old Belle. But, I will not trade the Belle that I am now to have my old self back. I just need to feel good about myself and strive to be a better Belle for my family.
Do you feel this way sometimes? Or am I the only one? Haha!
