03 August 2012

I Miss the Old Me

I can't believe I will say this:

It feels like a part of me is missing when Don left for a one-week business trip.

Cheesy I know (Yuck!).  Yes, sure, call me OA, weak, pathetic, whatever.  I described myself worse than that when I suddenly realized the painful truth.  I have been busy being a wife and a mom, I have forgotten how it is to be on my own again.

Let me give you a little background.  When I graduated from high school, I made sure that I will be able to study in Manila.  That was my ultimate escape from my sheltered life and protective parents.  I left Davao and studied in one of the universities in Taft.  The plan worked,  I was independent.  My years in college were the best years that shaped my character. I pretty much did everything on my own and I loved it.

Five years after graduation,  I got married.  The first few months of being married was a major adjustment for me.  I remember the first fight Don and I had as a married couple.  He called me at around 9pm to ask me where I was.  I told him I was in Starbucks with some office friends.  Starbucks Tagaytay.  I don't know how, but I really forgot to tell him I will go out for a late night chit chat with friends... in Tagaytay.  Haha, that was a classic story.

I know I have a strong personality and I am independent.  I speak my mind and I will defend whatever I think is right (shouldn't we all?).  Don would often tease me that I don't need him.  I thought I was as independent as I was 8 years ago.  Until last Sunday, when Don entered the NAIA Airport.

I panicked.  I suddenly felt lost.  What to do?  Where to go?  What route to take?  What activities to do with Julia?  Those are easy questions to answer but I my heart was so heavy, I was scared to move!  Call me crazy but I swear, I couldn't explain how I was feeling at that time.  It was frustrating, to say the least.

I realized how my life revolves around Don and Julia.  Please don't misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with that.  I love being with Don and Julia.  It's just that "Belle" got lost along the way somewhere.  Apart from being a wife, mom and my work (which I love!), there is nothing else that I really look forward to.

So here are a few things I will start doing:

  • Schedule regular get together with friends.  Before, I join get together with friends only when Don has to stay late at work or when he is not around.
  • Enroll at Plana Forma again.  I will start with 2x a week.  
  • Participate in programs that promote education in rural areas like the Silom Day Care Center.
  • Take short courses - cooking (oh, yes! Wish me luck), writing, Photoshop, events management, etc.
I really, really hope I can do them before the end of this year.  

I miss the old Belle.  But, I will not trade the Belle that I am now to have my old self back.  I just need to feel good about myself and strive to be a better Belle for my family.

Do you feel this way sometimes?  Or am I the only one? Haha!
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