27 September 2013

My Embarrassing Little Secret

The airport is my new hang out.  If you follow my blog and other social media accounts, I have been traveling more often lately for work.  I love and hate traveling.  I am excited to visit different places, catch up with friends and meet new people. But, I hate sleeping alone. And it is not just because I am not with Don or Julia. I am literally scared of staying inside a hotel room and sleeping alone.

When I was young, I like "hugging the wall" when sleeping.  I would position half of my face in between the wall and the bed.  I'm not sure if you can visualize that correctly but it just means I face the wall when sleeping.  One night, I had a scary experience. I woke up late at night (or past midnight, I'm not really sure) and when I looked behind my back, I saw 3 tall people (i can't tell if male or female) at my bedside. I immediately faced the wall again.  Then, I felt the pressure of their hands on my shoulder, forcing me to face them.  It was like they wanted me to go with them.  It all seemed so real.  I remember being awake all night not moving, I was just crying and praying until I heard my mom's door squeak open early morning.  I jumped out of bed and went to her, still crying and since then, sleeping has never been the same for me.

When traveling for work, I am force to sleep alone obviously.  Before, I used to ask a female colleague to sleep at the hotel with me.  I would not care if it was inconvenient for anyone.  I would not travel for work unless I am assured that I won't be sleeping alone in a hotel room.  

While in Cebu back in 2001, TV inside my officemate's hotel room turned off/on without him doing anything. That story just scared the sh*t out of me.  To make things worse, my room mate told me that she will be sleeping at her friend's house that night.  It was like the evil spirits were conspiring to kill me.  

Then the unthinkable happened.  Past midnight, I knocked at the room of my male colleague and ask if I can share the room with him!!!!  Oh that was not the 'unthinkable' part.  After a few minutes, still not able to sleep, I asked if I can sleep beside him!!!!!!  My God!!! So embarrassing.  Until today, his wife does not know that some crazy colleague of his husband slept beside him!  But, Don knows.  He would laugh every time he remembers that story. 

After that embarrassing moment, I decided I cannot go crazy over my fear of ghosts.  And I definitely cannot affect other people negatively because of this fear.  

I need to travel to perform my job.  So I came up with ways to conquer my fear:

1.  Watch TV until I fall a sleep (that's the option if the room does not seem too creepy).

2.  Drink beer or wine, just enough to put me to sleep right away.

3.  Work (again, same condition as no. 1).

4.  Look for a 24-hr coffee shop and work there.

5.  All 4 options include lots and lots of prayers.

Every time I am scheduled to travel, I would smile and book my ticket.  My boss will never know that my heart is pounding with fear.  After that 5 seconds of helplessness, I would start planning my options.  That is my standard and automatic reaction.   Yeah, I know I am crazy.  I live in fear. 
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