21 March 2014

Alive Alert Awake Enthusiastic!

Yes, I am still alive!!!  I miss blogging, I miss sharing our road trip experiences, tips and my thoughts about motherhood... especially now that Julia is 3.  THREE!!!  Anyway, I was busy with Julia's DIY party (I can't wait to tell you all about that!  Wish ko lang sipagin ako.) and of course, I was busy with work.  Some days I am too tired, some days I am just too lazy to do anything.

Lately, I feel like my life is on autopilot mode.  I lost my drive, fire, mojo, "ummph" or whatever you want to call it.  I wake up, go to work and go home during week days.  Weekends are the same except that instead of going to work, we go to Julia's swim class on Saturdays and we either go to the mall, stay home or go to a park the rest of the weekend.

I focus too much on accomplishing everything on my things to do or checklist.  Often times Don asks me, may hinahabol ba tayong oras? or nagmamadali ba tayo?  I remember one time we were at the supermarket, I told Don that we should get separate carts so he can work on half of the list.  He stared at me like I was insane.  It will save time and energy right?  What's wrong with that?!  He gave me one look that said it all -- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! 

I like going to the supermarket.  I pass by ALL the aisles even if items there are not on my list.  I neatly arrange the items I picked inside the cart.  At the cashier counter, I do not let anyone help me transfer the items from the cart to the counter.  That's my favorite part.  Lining them up at the counter relaxes me.  Weird, I know.  For the past few months, I see it as a task that I need to finish at the least possible time.

So what happened to me?!  I really don't know.  I want to do everything and make sure I do not neglect any of my responsibilities at home and at work.  But sometimes, I feel like a robot.  Lifeless and mechanical.  I hate that feeling.  I mean, I am not spontaneous but I am never lifeless!  Because I hate the feeling, here's what I have been working on the past month:

  • Go to work at 830am and go home before 6pm.  I am able to spend time with Julia in the morning before going to work and catch her still awake when I arrive home.  To be 100% present is difficult.  I still find it challenging not to think about my mahiwagang things to do at work.  Difficult but doable.

  • Sleep with Julia without sneaking glances at my Blackberry and iPhone.  

  • Walk slowly -- whether I am working on my errands or just strolling at the mall.  Para kasing lagi akong hinahabol and I am often annoyed with people who walk slow.  Walk slowly.  Not annoying slow but slow-slow like a normal person.
  • Enjoy our family activities without worrying about photos to post on IG, Facebook and Twitter.  I sometimes lose the opportunity to enjoy the moment with Don and Julia because I am busy capturing the moment.  
  • Do not work during my break times at work.  For 1 hour and 30 minutes, I can spend more time at the pantry to get to know my colleagues, or I can read a book, play Farm Heroes, take a nap, surf the internet, blog...

  • Ditch my planner-dependent self especially during weekends.  Whenever Don asks me, "What's our schedule today?" I usually recite the schedule like I am reading it straight from my calendar.  Now I just tell him we have a few errands to accomplish and the rest of the weekend is up to him.  This, too,  is challenging for me.  Again, I am not spontaneous so anything unplanned gives me discomfort.
It is tempting to go on autopilot mode, just going through the motions of my everyday life.  It is easier, but I do not want to live that way.  I am so blessed and I can never complain about God's goodness.  I am a 10 and I am in control of my life and my happiness.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (Colossians 3:23-24)

I can never look at life the same way a child does but it gives me the right perspective on how I can live with purpose and meaning.  How I live my life will mold my daughter's values, character and future.  Life is beautiful.  Life is full of learning opportunities.  Life is short.  I will offer each day to God and do all things for His glory.  I will wake up each day full of excitement -- the kind of excitement Julia felt when she watched a magic show for the first time.

Have a great weekend, mommies!

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